i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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