Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well you can't waste a boner
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
