i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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