Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
