ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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