Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
