I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
