this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
