I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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