Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize