Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize