Got a toothbrush?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
