somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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