I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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