I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
