hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
