I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
