i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
