Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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