Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
