What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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