My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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