Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
