I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
