Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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