dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
