When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
