did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
