Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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