This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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