no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
