I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
