OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
