I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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