I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
