I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
