Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
