You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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