i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
