How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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