Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
