I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why do cheetos always look like penises
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
