i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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