i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
