Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
