Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
