My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
