Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
