Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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