What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
