So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
