i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
