He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
