Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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