I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Green mimosas i think yes
I just found a bag of teeth...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
