let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
