i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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