Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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