Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
