guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
