you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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