All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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