It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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