When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
