I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
