you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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