It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
