drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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