im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
