i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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