I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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