I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
