Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
