I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
