butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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