AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
