When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
