Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
