I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.