hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
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My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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