i think my tv is drunk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?