As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.