I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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