Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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