Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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