Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
