I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
