new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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